Common reactions people have to their partners’ infidelity
When someone becomes aware of their partner’s infidelity, they experience stress, leading to severe negative impacts on both the individual and their marriage. During this time, they exhibit intense negative emotional reactions and search for the reasons behind the betrayal.
The emotional reactions that individuals experience following their partner’s betrayal are similar to those reactions felt by patients when they receive bad news about a serious illness or the death of a loved one.
Denial, shock, anger, anddepressionand eventually acceptance are the responses they may exhibit.
How do people react to infidelity?What is it like?
Shock and denial:
Hearing about and confronting infidelity can be shocking for many couples, though there are important signs that can estimate the level of damage. Those whohave good marital relationshipsand believe in their partner’s loyalty often experience a more profound shock. Shock is frequently accompanied by denial.
For example, individuals may say, “No, this is a lie… They wouldn’t do this; it’s impossible.” However, over time, denial and doubt fade, and the person accepts that their partner has cheated. It is rare at this stage for someone to seek marital infidelity counseling, and this phase may be marked by projection (distorting reality and disregard from a person employing denial as a defense mechanism is common).
How do individuals react after their partner’s infidelity?
Common reactions to marital infidelity
Anger:
Anger is a typical response; at this stage, the individual has moved past denial and is certain that their partner has cheated. Thoughts provoking anger may include:
“Their behavior was unfair; they didn’t appreciate me and paid me back poorly for my efforts; they are unreasonable; my life and feelings didn’t matter to them; they considered me foolish and naive; I was not enough for them; they belittled me in front of others; they ruined our relationship.”
Defense mechanisms and cognitive errors during this phase can include projection, labeling, exaggeration, negative forecasting, and mind reading.
Sometimes, a person may become angry due to misplaced trust and overlooking suspicious signs, leading to self-blame. Feelings of anger can include emotions such as hurt, hatred, and hostility,stressandanxietyabout the future or fear of abandonment and depression.
The reaction and response after witnessing a partner’s betrayal
What reactions follow a partner’s infidelity?
Depression:
Depression typically follows anger and can actually be seen as a deeper layer beneath it. Feelings accompanying depression include loss or a sense of having lost something in the relationship (like trust, feelings of adequacy, worthiness, attraction, and shattered emotions).
Depression manifests through symptoms such as a depressed mood, lack of enjoyment in previously pleasurable activities, decreased concentration, high irritability, feelings of guilt, shame, worthlessness, and symptoms such as changes in appetite and sleep disturbances, along with a sense of weakness regarding the inability to improve the situation and hopelessness for change, leading the person gradually towardssuicidal thoughtsthat they may experience.
Depression is one of the responses to a partner’s infidelity
What are common reactions to a partner’s infidelity?
Another sign is a decline in daily performance, both in work and social relationships.
It is important to note that the affected individual has experienced multiple stages andnegative emotionsthat need mourning for their lost trust and psychological security. Besides crying, talking to a friend or companion, a counselor can help individuals get through this phase. This period can last from a few weeks to several months, and seeking help from a psychologist can enable the individual to experience less tension and reach the acceptance stage more smoothly.
Author: Dr. Neda Rahimi, Psychology Specialist/@drnedarahimi
