Effective WaysAttracting Your Mother-in-LawAnd Winning Her Affection
Many people struggle to establish a good relationship with their mother-in-law and don’t know how to win her over. A clever daughter-in-law can effortlessly make a place in her mother-in-law’s heart with her special strategies. If you are also facing issues in connecting with your mother-in-law, this section from Family Plus will help.SelMagzJoin us to learn important tips on how to attract your mother-in-law.
Don’t Judge Prematurely:
Unfortunately, in many families, there are preconceived notions, discussions, and wrong talk about the spouse’s family, especially the mother-in-law, that are ingrained in the minds of both girls and boys from childhood.
These incorrect perceptions lead to hasty judgments about the mother-in-law and sister-in-law before starting married life, fostering feelings of resentment and bitterness between the daughter-in-law and the husband’s family.
Establishing a Close Connection:
If you behave in a manner that reassures your mother-in-law and other family members that they are joining a respectful and warm family, this will strengthen the emotional bond and affection toward them. However, if you avoid expressing affection, this feeling will be harmed.
Indirectly Expressing Your Needs:
You are not supposed to fight with your spouse’s family. Discuss any issues you have with your spouse to find a solution. Sometimes, it is better to remain silent, especially when there is a dispute among your spouse’s family members.
Never Speak Ill of Your Sisters-in-Law:
Every mother prioritizes her children highly. They want their daughters to be better than others, including the daughters-in-law. Therefore, we recommend that you never speak negatively about your sisters-in-law to others, especially to your mother-in-law. While this may seem like a way to vent, it will likely upset and anger your mother-in-law and could threaten your relationship with your spouse.
Respect is More Visible in Gatherings:
For example, during significant family gatherings, visit your mother-in-law’s home and help her as much as you can, serve her food first at the table, and speak well of her in gatherings. These simple actions will enhance your closeness and relationship.
Consider Three Essential Elements:
Always keep in mind the three elements of commitment, love, and intimacy. With these elements as a foundation, plan for a good relationship with your mother-in-law. Negative thoughts can deprive you of clear judgment and good decision-making.
Understanding Cultural Differences:
Sometimes people inadvertently create problems due to cultural differences between families. Other issues such as differences in social interactions, appearance, cooking styles, and ways of managing life can lead to serious problems. Hence, understanding these differences is crucial. Do not insist on your cultural conditions intentionally.
Feeling Responsible:
For instance, if your own mother were sick, how much time would you dedicate to comforting and caring for her? You should show the same concern for your spouse’s family, especially your mother-in-law. Of course, maintain a balance concerning both families. Remember that your mother-in-law has raised your spouse, the most precious person in her life, through many challenges.
Knowing Your Weaknesses:
One critical point in building a friendly relationship with your spouse’s family is recognizing your weaknesses and working on them. A girl who is moody, angry, or aggressive in her paternal home will likely exhibit the same behavior after marriage. Therefore, it is unrealistic to expect her to control her conduct when trying to please her mother-in-law.
This person might lose her temper over minor issues, resulting in conflicts with her husband’s family. The first step is to realistically evaluate your personality and strive to manage any incorrect behaviors.
Put Yourself in Her Shoes:
Even when you follow all steps to establish a good and intimate relationship with your spouse’s family, certain situations may still cause problems. The best solution is to explain the issue to yourself and understand logically what the main problem is for them concerning you or vice versa. Then, view the problem from your mother-in-law’s or sister-in-law’s perspective and think about it.
Next, reassess the importance of this issue. Sometimes, it is necessary to overlook some grievances and problems as ignoring others’ mistakes can bring you mental and emotional peace. If the issue is serious, it’s better to discuss it with your spouse for alternative solutions.
Being Alongside Your Mother-in-Law:
One important point that everyone must keep in mind is to maintain politeness and respect towards elders. Never speak to your spouse’s family using disrespectful behavior or inappropriate language.
If your mother-in-law enjoys spending time with you cooking, shopping, or cleaning, make sure to engage with her, as this will greatly enhance the intimacy between you. Just be mindful not to always do this, as it may lead to unreasonable expectations from you. Every person has different personalities and understanding each person’s capacity helps in better planning.
Establishing a Good Relationship with Your Spouse:
Many young brides struggle with the smallest signs of disrespect or displeasure from their spouse’s family and retaliate against their spouse. You shouldn’t hold your husband accountable for his mother’s mistakes. Your husband shares a deep connection with his mother, so it’s not right to punish him for her bad behavior.
The correct approach is to calmly discuss your grievances with your spouse without blaming him for them. For instance, you might say, “Darling, I know you’re trying hard to make me happy, but something happened that upset me. When we visited your mom tonight, I felt completely ignored and she hardly spoke to me.”
This conversation can also be expressed differently: “You know what? You’re all the same. I must be unfortunate to have become the daughter-in-law of your family. Your mom was acting like a complete pain tonight.”
“Well, if she doesn’t want to see me, why do we have to go there where it ruins the mood for everyone?” The better the relationship you have with your spouse, the more he will look out for you.
Behaviors You Like, Show Them to Others:
Some brides feel uncomfortable when they see their husbands interacting happily with their siblings and mother. They might think they are outsiders or don’t want their husbands to be close with their mothers.
As a result, they create drama when they return home. However, if these newlyweds accept that just as they wish to be comfortable and happy with their family, their husbands do too, it will eliminate many grievances.
Your spouse should never disrespect his mother:
Even if you’ve cut ties with your spouse’s family, your husband has no right to disrespect his mother. Ask him to visit her once a week for a short while and treat her well. This not only earns God’s pleasure but also teaches your children to respect their parents in every situation.
Respect in Relationships:
In most articles on Family Plus SelMagz, we emphasize starting your relationship with respect and not waiting for someone else to take the lead. Respect for elders is a fundamental principle in establishing correct relationships. A respectful person brings honor, and anyone seeking respect must also maintain respect for others.
Avoid Provoking Your Mother-in-Law’s Jealousy:
Some behaviors can trigger your mother-in-law’s jealousy. After all, you’ve married her son and claimed him as your own. Some actions, such as hugging and kissing your spouse in front of others, especially your mother-in-law, might provoke her jealousy. Therefore, it’s best to express your affection in private and behave respectfully with your spouse in public.
Avoid Engaging in Psychological Warfare with Your Mother-in-Law:
Sometimes, certain mother-in-laws behave poorly, not just toward their daughters-in-law, but towards others due to past painful experiences or personal issues, which may lead you to think they are intentionally trying to annoy you.
In such situations, before making any decisions, ask yourself: “Is she trying to upset me? Am I acting according to her wishes? Am I allowing her actions to control me?” A negative answer to this question means you have control over your life and are capable of managing your problems independently. However, a positive response signals the need to consult an experienced psychologist as soon as possible.
Don’t Forget to Give Gifts:
On special occasions, mothers love to have their children around them. The best thing to do in the 2 or 3 days leading up to these occasions is to get your mother-in-law a gift. Choose a suitable gift that’s not overly expensive but of good quality. Such gifts given on birthdays, Mother’s Day, or before the New Year will bring her much joy.
Don’t Gossip!!!
If your spouse easily shares your comments with his mother, you shouldn’t discuss your mother-in-law’s annoying behaviors with your spouse. If things become too challenging, seek guidance from a psychologist. Gossiping only makes situations worse.
- Important Tips for Dealing with Your Mother-in-Law
- When your mother-in-law does something nice for you, thank her for her good deeds, and never think these are her obligations because of her son.
- If you feel upset about something seemingly small, talk to your spouse. These confessions should differ from pointless arguments.
- Clear your mind of other people’s issues with their mother-in-laws and always think positively about your own mother-in-law and convey this positive mindset to her.
- When your mother-in-law is visiting you, sit beside her and converse. Also, if she wishes to help you cook or manage household tasks, don’t stop her. These actions are highly effective for better understanding and creating close relationships.
- Respect her way of thinking and don’t view her advice as a personal attack. Instead, be open to it—she simply wishes to be helpful to you.
- Regardless of the circumstances, always maintain respect for your mother-in-law. After all, she is older and more experienced than you and may have faced tough challenges in her past.
- Put yourself in your mother-in-law’s shoes and think about how much time she invested in raising your spouse. This is why she might be sensitive toward newcomers in her son’s life.
- If you become a parent, offer your mother-in-law the opportunity to help care for your child. Perhaps she’ll want to spoil her grandchild with treats. Build your relationship on respect and never wait for her actions to show respect first. The principle of honoring older and younger individuals is crucial and unforgettable in this relationship.
- Just as you celebrate your own mother’s birthday, don’t forget your mother-in-law’s birthday either and get her a gift. Similarly, allocate time to visit her just as you do for your own mother.
