The best way to understand your mother-in-law’s preferences.
Unfortunately, from childhood, girls often develop incorrect mental images of their partner’s family, especially their mother-in-law, which leads to wrong assumptions about them.
These assumptions can fuel resentment between daughters-in-law and their husband’s family. Therefore, set aside your mental pictures and follow a few simple guidelines we provide in this section of Family Plus.SelMagzFind out how to understand your mother-in-law and win her heart.
Get to know your mother-in-law.
The first step in understanding your mother-in-law is to learn about her personality, sensitivities, and needs. Ask your spouse for help in this process and gather any relevant information that could assist in building your relationship. Knowing her well will help you avoid stepping on her boundaries.
Assess your weaknesses.
Realistically evaluate your personality and identify behaviors that could harm your life. It’s unrealistic to expect to charm your mother-in-law without some control over your actions and ethics.
Don’t compete with your mother-in-law.
Don’t act in a way that makes your mother-in-law feel threatened. Both of you are important figures in your spouse’s life. Set aside competition and avoid disruptive conflicts, as competing for ownership of your spouse can jeopardize your future together.
Be yourself.
Don’t play a role when you join your spouse’s family; stay true to yourself. You can’t pretend to be someone else forever, so don’t hide your style, behavior, and habits. Being genuine will prevent any surprises later on.
Avoid direct confrontations with your mother-in-law.
Arguing with your mother-in-law will do nothing but shake the foundation of your relationship. If there is a difference of opinion, don’t directly engage in a fight, but ask your spouse to support you while you remain a side observer.
Accompany your mother-in-law.
Some mothers-in-law love having their daughters-in-law accompany them everywhere. If possible, sometimes join her for shopping or cooking, but don’t make it your daily routine to avoid unreasonable expectations. This will strengthen the bond between you and her.
Don’t get overly familiar.
Be friendly with your mother-in-law, but this familiarity shouldn’t go too far. First, establish respect, and only then consider developing a close and friendly relationship. Disregarding respect may spark conflict, so maintain distance and let time guide your relationship.
Don’t compare your mother to your mother-in-law.
Your lifestyle and your spouse’s family dynamics may be different. Even if you have a close relationship with your mother-in-law, don’t expect her to behave like your mother. If your family is supportive while your mother-in-law is not, don’t blame her for it.
Don’t compare yourself.
Never let jealousy hinder your relationship with your mother-in-law from day one. Avoid comparing yourself to other daughters-in-law in the family.
If your mother-in-law has a better relationship with previous daughters-in-law, it’s natural; they have had more time together. Differences in how she treats each daughter-in-law may stem from varying family circumstances over time. Comparisons and jealousy will only harm your perspective.
Understand boundaries.
Never cross your in-laws’ boundaries; clearly define areas that should remain untouched and teach others not to cross them either.
Avoid excessive curiosity.
As a daughter-in-law, you don’t need to be overly curious or interfere unnecessarily. Only engage in topics that concern you and stay out of discussions in your mother-in-law’s home.
Don’t scrutinize everything your mother-in-law says.
We all have flaws; sometimes it’s best to let things go and not scrutinize your mother-in-law’s words and actions too closely. Being overly critical will surely lead to finding numerous upsetting topics.
Put yourself in her shoes.
Occasionally view issues from your mother-in-law’s perspective. When feeling upset, ask yourself how you would react if someone close to you acted that way. Don’t keep the label “mother-in-law” at the forefront of your mind when judging her behavior.
Don’t ignore her.
Your interactions with your mother-in-law should be balanced. Don’t over-visit her to the point of losing boundaries, and don’t completely ignore her. Celebrate important occasions such as Mother’s Day or birthdays with small gifts and flowers to show you care.
Let her be a mother.
If your mother-in-law’s actions don’t harm your independence, allow her to occasionally mother you. If she offers to buy your groceries or cook for you, appreciate her and thank her for her efforts.
Spend time with her.
Your mother-in-law is your spouse’s most important person, so dedicate time to her. For instance, when she’s unwell, take the time to comfort and visit her.
