Reasons and SolutionsMen’s Wandering Eyes
All women want their husbands’ full attention, and nothing is more upsetting than seeing them look at other women.
From a psychological perspective, all humans are interested in observing others. However, if this behavior occurs frequently, it can trigger feelings of jealousy and anger in the spouse and weaken the family structure. Excessive wandering eyes can have specific causes that we address in this section of Family Plus.SelMagzWe have covered this topic.
Main Reasons for Men’s Wandering Eyes
Some reasons men look at women include:
Check if there is a problem
There is a difference between paying attention to others and staring at them. Keep in mind that most men notice other women without any specific intent. Try to observe the situation objectively to determine if there is actually something to worry about.
For example, if your husband looks at women’s clothing as much as he looks at men’s suits, then he has no ulterior motives.Men’s SuitsIf your husband comments that someone looks beautiful and his remark makes sense, there is no need to worry. It’s normal to notice when people look good, especially when they try new makeup or hairstyles.
Consider the Role of Hormones
Men have high levels of testosterone, which controls their sexual desire and influences their attention towards women. However, staring is a behavioral habit that can be changed.
Most men who overlook women developed this habit during their teenage years when their hormones were surging. Looking at an attractive woman triggers a chemical response in the brain, reinforcing this behavior as pleasurable and fostering a genuine habit that’s tough to break.
Since this is a habit, it may be something your husband does without even realizing it (likenail biting). Therefore, when you mention it to your husband, he might become defensive and blame you for being jealous or overly controlling. Fortunately, since it is a habit, he can stop it if he truly wants to.
The key point is to help him recognize when he does this so he can find ways to change his behavior.
A Psychological Disorder May Be Involved!
Some experts believe that men who excessively stare and cannot control this behavior are actually dealing with a type of disorder that should be thoroughly examined and treated.
How Should I Address My Staring Husband?
Many women wonder how to handle their husband’s wandering eyes. Here are some tips that might be helpful.
Don’t Have a Negative Perspective
When your husband looks at other women, it’s easy to feel insecure, like you’re not attractive enough to keep his attention. However, remember that most men who behave this way do so out of habit and regardless of their wife’s appearance.
Remind yourself that your husband loves your appearance. You also shouldn’t feel the need to be more attractive to maintain his interest. Your husband’s behavior is a habit and is not related to looks or other characteristics.
Point It Out to Your Spouse
At the moment you notice inappropriate behavior, address it. He may not realize he’s doing it, but mentioning it can help ease your worries. Simply say something like, “Did you know you were staring at someone?” Since this likely happens in public, it is not the right time for an extensive discussion about the behavior, but it does give you a reference point to discuss later.
Express Your Feelings to Him
It’s important for him to know how you feel when he looks at or pays attention to another woman. Tell him that when he gazes at other women or makes inappropriate comments, it makes you feel disappointed, jealous,angryor disrespected.
Don’t Accept Illogical Justifications
Your husband may justify his actions as normal or inevitable and might shift the blame onto you.
Your husband may use gaslighting techniques in response to your comments. In this technique, a person works to gain more control over the relationship by affecting the target’s mind so they doubt their memory, perception, experiences, judgment, identity, and overall abilities and values, convincing them that the abuser is right.
Ignore It
If your husband only looked at a woman once, it might be best to ignore it. However, if this behavior occurs repeatedly, you need to address it seriously so he understands that what he is doing is wrong and bothersome to you.
Visualize the Relationship
If he continues to justify his actions, you need to show him how serious you are. Tell him you feel that his behavior is jeopardizing your relationship.
In a healthy marriage, neither partner wants to behave in ways that could harm the other or their life together. Your seriousness about this specific issue should convey to him that his behavior is unacceptable and that it needs to change; otherwise, the marriage will be harmed.
Help Your Husband Break the Habit
If your husband is assessing other women without realizing it, his behavior may be a deeply ingrained habit. If he is willing, you can help him break this habit. One good way to change a habit is to find ways to replace it.
Give Him a Chance
It’s important to understand your husband’s online activities. If he admits to having made a mistake and is making amends, you should give him the opportunity.
Talk in the Open
Your situation with your husband is unique and may involve various feelings and tensions. Don’t let this insecurity and anger remain buried only to resurface at unexpected times. Instead, raise issues as they arise and try your best to convey your viewpoint.
Your husband may have no excuses, but tell him exactly how you feel.
Stay Calm
If emotions spiral out of control, it can lead to the end of a relationship. When your husband looks at other women, try not to get overly anxious and control your feelings. If you become too angry, he might become defensive and lie more or give fake apologies.
If your husband looks at other women, show him that you still believe in him and the love he has for you. Otherwise, he may use your anger as justification to distance himself and seek a woman who is less critical.
Increase the Passion in Your Life
This is an important step both of you can take. Consider what makes your husband look at other women. Discuss your husband’s fantasies with him. A little role-playing never hurt anyone and may be just the spice your relationship needs to pull him away fromfantasizingand into your present reality.
Seek Counseling
If your husband’s behavior is upsetting you and affecting your life, it’s time to seek counseling. Often, an impartial third party is needed to assess whether your reactions to this behavior are excessive.
Consider Individual Counseling
Individual counseling may also benefit you and your husband. You can discuss how your husband’s behavior makes you feel with a counselor. Your spouse may also have issues that need to be addressed with a professional. If you cannot afford counseling, look for books that can help you build self-esteem.
