Howto reducea wife’s dependence on her family?
One common problem that causes disagreements between husbands and wives is when one of them is overly dependent on their family, especially when family members interfere a lot in their lives.
If you listen to women’s concerns these days, you’ll hear many complain about their husband’s dependence on his family. This problem often leads to conflicts in married life. In this section ofSelMagzwe share tips that can help reduce family interference and dependence in your married life.
Different types of dependence on mother and family
There are two main types of dependence in spouses:
First type:
In this case, a dependent person only turns to their family in specific situations to solve problems and follows their decisions.
Second type:
In this case, the family plays a strong and constant role in the person’s new life, like a shadow. They are present everywhere and the person cannot make decisions without them.
These individuals are very emotionally and psychologically dependent, and this dependence continues after marriage. Due to their strong reliance, their families interfere in even the smallest issues of marriage, causing disagreements between spouses.
Are you traditional or modern?
In the past, women were responsible only for household chores and raising children, and men were the sole breadwinners. But with modern life, women now work outside the home in addition to their domestic roles, and men also share responsibilities at home.
If in modern life a man depends on his family so much that he follows traditional patterns at home—like not helping his wife with household chores—this can lead to many problems in marriage.
If families, including the husband’s family, impose past experiences on their children and influence current situations, many issues can arise for young couples. However, if a man is dependent enough on his family to seek emotional and practical support, there will be no problem.
The presence of elders and their advice are valuable but sometimes, in modern life, they cause conflicts rather than strengthen bonds between young spouses.
If your spouse is dependent…
If your spouse relies heavily on their family, try using the following strategies to reduce this dependence.
1. Do not point fingers at your spouse; instead, gently remind them of the effects of their actions.
2. When talking to your spouse, avoid pre-judging; mention only what you have experienced and express your opinions. For example, discuss the negative outcomes caused by their family’s advice and say that these problems wouldn’t have occurred without their interference.
3. Speak calmly and respectfully to your spouse and their family. Tell them that their parents give good advice, and you will consider it, but the final decision should be made together. Make your spouse realize that family interference has caused tensions and distance between you.
4. When reducing dependence, arguing and fighting are useless and won’t help. The best approach is to be loving and attentive, helping your dependent partner feel more connected. Build a close relationship where they share their thoughts with you without needing anyone else and feel emotionally close to you.
Letting go of the parental home
If your spouse decides that their dependence on their family is causing problems and wants to change, first agree on verbal understanding, then turn it into action. Start with small steps to show your independence to your family.
Attaining independence will strengthen your relationship. Be smart and plan carefully—for example, when a family member intervenes, say, “We will think about this too.” This way, their family won’t feel upset. Building self-esteem, growth, and independence will benefit both you and your spouse.
Undermining your husband’s trust through criticizing his family
Bad-mouthing your husband’s family damages his trust in you. However, do not overreact to his dependence on his family, as some dependence is natural.
Most parental advice comes from good intentions and logic. If your parents-in-law have more experience and knowledge, seek their advice and manage their opinions wisely. Discuss with your spouse, thank them, apologize, and tell them you’ve made a decision.
Consequences of excessive dependence on family after marriage
The key in life is to separate from our own family and build attachment and dependence within the new shared life. But often, dependents on their families experienceanxietyandstress,and lack proper decision-making skills because they are not yet ready for marriage and act based on feelings alone.
