How to talk to your spouse about your feelings?
Understanding each other, communicating, and finding peace is always easier than arguing. This allows you to resolve many of your issues. However, sometimes discussing your feelings can be difficult, especially when it involves your relationship. In this section of Family PlusSelMagzWe will teach you how to effectively talk about your feelings with your spouse.
Important warning signs in marital disputes
- If you can’t discuss a specific topic calmly with your spouse.
- If you are yelling and insulting each other because of a disagreement.
- If you are always sulking and not talking to each other.
- If you are continuously angry at each other and not talking for long periods.
How to share your emotions and worries with your spouse?
The following tips will help you feel more comfortable while sharing your feelings with your spouse.
First of all, accept your feelings, whether they are right or wrong.
Never try to judge your feelings. Just because you’re angry doesn’t mean you have to act violently.Recognize and come to terms with your negative feelings but behave appropriately.Explain your feelings through writing or speaking.
One helpful approach to better communicate with your spouse is to first understand your feelings. Then, try to explain to them through writing or speaking what you’re experiencing.
Name your feelings.
Prepare a list of words related to different emotions. Remember that feelings have names: sadness, anger, hurt, joy, pleasure, embarrassment, etc. Look for the name of your feeling within that list.
Listen to what your spouse says.Listen to your spouse so you can enter their world and see the situation from their perspective. When they notice you listening, it encourages them to talk. Ask non-defensively and non-competitively what they emphasize in their words.Use the exchange technique.
Many of our disputes stem from not understanding each other’s perspectives. Therefore, when you are discussing something and one of you feels hurt or angry, stop insisting on your viewpoint, and switch roles as speaker or listener to reduce tension and have a natural conversation.
Use the disarming technique.
To better understand your spouse’s perspective and find the source of your or their frustration, avoid side conversations and instead focus on their points to resolve the issue.
Practice.
If you are not used to expressing your feelings, it may be challenging at first, but with practice and small steps, it will become easier for you.
Pay attention to your passing emotions and changes.
This does not refer to moody or indecisive people. Rather, an individual’s feelings may change occasionally (not frequently). Keep these changes in mind.
Separate logic from emotions.Sometimes you may feel emotional but think you’re being completely logical. As has often been suggested in the SelMagz lifestyle section, try to separate beliefs, convictions, and emotions to understand exactly what you want.Share deeper emotions as well.
Don’t just focus on surface feelings. Dive deep into your emotions to identify the roots of the hurt and increase intimacy with your spouse by discussing your feelings with them.
Avoid hiding your feelings.
Do not cover up your feelings to end a fight; express your feelings using phrases like “I really feel hurt,” “I have a headache,” “I’m stressed,” “I’m afraid of what’s happening,” or “I feel tired and worn out.”
Request a truce.
During a disagreement, clearly ask for a truce, suggesting to end the discussion and talk later, saying, “I really need this” or “This conflict isn’t getting us anywhere; I need a little break.”
Change the conditions of the argument.
When you’re fighting with your spouse and they’re yelling, it’s better to change the environment or calmly say, “Please don’t yell, keep your voice down, or you could state your points without judgment.”
See issues from a different perspective.Try to view problems from another angle to end marital disputes. You can say to your spouse, “Let me see if I can look at this issue from your viewpoint” or “I don’t understand your point; help me to understand.”Do not judge your spouse’s feelings.If you want your spouse to treat you in a similar intimate way, it’s vital to not become defensive regarding their emotions, neglect them, or judge them.Apologize.
Instead of insisting on your incorrect beliefs, apologize. This word can be very impactful and soothing. To make your apology more effective, say: “I didn’t mean to hurt you; I was under a lot of stress, I’m sorry. I know how much you’ve suffered; please forgive me.”
Use “I feel…” instead of “I think…”
Using “I feel…” instead of “I think…” shows you are expressing your feelings. Even if your feelings aren’t accurate, acknowledging what you are feeling will help break down your defensiveness.
Express your feelings directly.
Your spouse can’t read your feelings. You need to tell them how you feel with words, and don’t expect them to read your mind.
Other important details to remember.
Always share your feelings throughout the day.
Aim to have serious and deep discussions about your relationship.
Don’t be afraid to express your needs, and do all of this peacefully and calmly.When making decisions, express your feelings and opinions.
Always have an explanation for mistakes or unintentional actions, and try to communicate verbally with your spouse.
Misconceptions that prevent couples from communicating with each other.
The following misconceptions exist among couples and hinder their communication:
First misconception:
If I talk to my spouse, I will be embarrassed.
Second misconception:
- If I tell my spouse about my feelings and worries, I will push them away and create more distance between us.
- Third misconception:
- If I listen to my spouse, they’ll think I agree with them.
- Fourth misconception:
- If I admit my mistakes, my spouse will use this against me.
Frustration with a husband
Expressing dissatisfaction to a spouse
Dissatisfaction with a spouseTalking about frustrations with a spouse
Disarming technique with a spouseWhen you are upset with your spouse
Express dissatisfaction to a spouseHow to resolve conflicts with a spouse
Truce with a spouseResolving disputes with a spouse
