Proper Behavior with In-laws During Engagement
In marriage, the families also matter and can influence the relationship between partners. Having a good relationship with the in-laws is important for a successful life and for pleasing your partner.
During engagement, when you first meet your partner’s family and get to know each other, it’s crucial to behave appropriately from the start because the foundations of a life together are laid during this period. Therefore, it’s essential to learn the right principles for interacting with your in-laws in order to foster a peaceful life and a bright future with your partner and their family. If you are currently engaged, learn the principles of proper behavior duringthe engagement periodin this section of Family PlusSelMagzhere.
Build a Strong Foundation:
You have probably heard the saying, “The first brick laid crooked by the builder leads to a crooked wall.” This proverb tells us that we must lay a solid foundation right from the start.
During engagement, when individuals are first getting acquainted, it’s important to behave correctly. Proper behavior isn’t just about being excessively kind and respectful; it involves fundamental behaviors that work with every kind of person.
Don’t Magnify Small Issues:
Never blow small issues out of proportion; let them go and negotiate over the bigger matters. Believe me, if you argue over insignificant things, you will regret your behavior later.
Support Your Partner:
If someone in your partner’s family behaves poorly, don’t ask your partner to cut them off. Never place your partner in a position where they have to choose between you and their relatives. Instead, try to understand and support your partner’s relationship with their family.
Be Yourself, Not a Facade:
During engagement and at early gatherings before the wedding, don’t pretend to be someone you’re not—just be yourself. The real you is far more likable than any role you could play, and there’s no need to complicate things by pretending.
Eventually, you will get tired of pretending to portray a charming image. If you act, your true self will eventually show, and your in-laws might react to this change in a way that you may not appreciate.
Behave Respectfully Toward Your Partner’s Parents:
During this time, get to know your partner’s family better, but don’t become overly familiar. Always maintain their respect by addressing them formally and avoiding inappropriate jokes or terms that you would use with your friends. Conduct yourself in a manner befitting the parents of your partner.
Maintain Your Dignity:
During family discussions, refrain from showing any visible reactions, and do not interfere in your partner’s relationships with their family. Instead, engage in another activity. Remember, you are the new member of the family, and even a well-intended comment may be misinterpreted due to your limited understanding of the dynamics. Knowing when not to get involved helps maintain your dignity.
Set Boundaries for Visits:
From the very beginning of your life together, during the engagement period, establish the boundaries regarding visits. Excessive visits can create difficulties, while insufficient visits can lead to resentment, so maintain a balance from the start.
Reject Labels of Bride and Mother-in-Law:
If you have preconceived notions about your mother-in-law or her family before engagement, clear those stereotypes and judge your partner’s family based on their actual behavior.
If the groom’s family playfully questions your relationship with your mother-in-law, deny the labels of bride and mother-in-law and humorously respond, “The era of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law disputes is over; we’re on good terms.”
Communicate Clearly:
If any issues arise or you feel hurt about something, do not stay silent or bottle up your feelings. It’s enough to discuss it openly without hiding anything.
Don’t Share Your Partner’s Shortcomings with Their Family:
Your partner’s family is well aware of their flaws, and there’s no need for you to reiterate them. Never share negative traits or behaviors of your partner, especially if they are displeasing to you, with their family during the engagement.
Learn to Maintain Calmness:
When you feel pressured, angry, or tired, stay calm and act appropriately. An inappropriate reaction shows a lack of emotional balance, so try always to remain calm and display the best behavior.
