Why are relationships between boys and girls important?Pre-marital friendshipsare a mistake
Friendships between boy and girl usually aim for marriage, and girls are often more vulnerable. They form bonds with many hopes, thinking this young man will make them happy, unaware that many boys are motivated by curiosity, competition, showing off among friends, satisfying desires, and having fun.
Statistics reveal the poor outcomes of friendships between boys and girls. Whether these friendships lead to marriage or not, they can bring many problems and harms to both parties, which we will discuss in this section ofSelMagzWe will mention these harms.
Consequences and harms of pre-marital friendships
Creating psychological problems
If relationships between boys and girls do not lead to marriage due to changing circumstances or family opposition, they may result in many negative psychological effects like feelings of disappointment and emotional failure,depression, hatred towards the opposite sex, and a reluctance to marry. In some cases, girls lose many of their suitors.
Dependency
In youth, the need for love and affection peaks, causing individuals to fall in love quickly. Over time, both sides become dependent on each other, which often becomes a significant burden in their lives.
Academic declineor stagnation in studies
requires mental and emotional focus. However, when a girl and boy become friends, they often think about each other and focus only on their meetings, neglecting their studies, which severely hinders their academic growth.
Anxiety, worry, and feelings of concern
can arise from thoughts like guilt, fear of parents, attempts to hide the relationship, the hope of marriage, worry about threats to disclose the relationship by either party, and fear of losing the other person, leading to anxiety, worry, and feelings of concern.
Absence of accurate and realistic understanding
In these relationships, both parties tend to behave artificially to appear better in the eyes of the other, leading to a lack of genuine understanding. If these relationships lead to marriage, they may enter a life together without a clear and accurate view of each other, believing the other to be perfect. As Imam Ali (Peace be upon him) said: “Love blinds and deafens.”
Incorrect decisions for marriage
In friendships between boys and girls, when individuals haven’t attained a proper understanding of each other, they tend to decide to marry. This choice, formed in an emotional whirlwind without deep, realistic knowledge, can sour their shared life and darken their future.
Economic damages
Friendships between boys and girls can occasionally lead to financial losses for them or their families. In these types of friendships, individuals often buy each other expensive gifts or one party may extort money from the other.
Cultivating an atmosphere of mistrust in married life
When a relationship between a boy and girl leads to marriage, a form of doubt arises post-marriage, as each may wonder if the other who so easily befriended them might also be with someone else. Hence, these marriages can be quite unstable due to mutual distrust.
Risking reputation
Friendships between boys and girls, due to their interactions, can harm their own reputation and sometimes that of their families too. If such a relationship doesn’t end in marriage, it may lead the girl’s family to relocate.
Heartbreak and dreadful fates
Relationships before marriage can create strong attachments or love, which if broken due to reasons like parental opposition, can lead to heartbreak. Some young people cannot endurethe pain of heartbreakand resort to strange acts of revenge, such as acid attacks or harming the other person.
Denial of problems and mistakes
Usually in friendships predating marriage, visible problems arise, but many times, individuals ignore these problems. In relationships that become shattered, early warning signs can often be identified, yet due to denial and neglect, a proper understanding of these issues fails, leading to numerous challenges if marriage takes place.
Diversity-seeking
Having relationships with multiple partners before marriage may lead both men and women to struggle with commitment once they start a family, often seeking relationships with others as they did before marriage.
The belief that I can change them
One common and mistaken belief in many cultures about pre-marital relationships is that through love, attention, and effort, one can change their spouse over time. In pre-marital friendships, many women tend to accept this false belief and hope to change their partner after marriage, but one can only change themselves.
