The Best Reactions to TakeA Critical Spouse
In a shared life, both husband and wife should bring peace to each other; however, some partners constantly blame and criticize their spouses. Critical and blaming partners do not really love their spouses as they are, and they are always trying to change their partner, thinking that criticism and blame will achieve this. But this not only reducesself-esteembut also hinders their success. This section of Family PlusSelMagzwill introduce you to the right ways to treat a critical spouse.
Reasons for Spouse Criticism
Often, your partner’s dissatisfaction and excuses have little to do with your actions or behaviors. If you were not around, they might be criticizing someone else. Understanding that your spouse’s criticisms and complaints are not directly related to you is difficult, but it’s important to know that people who find faults in others are often unhappy with themselves and their lives. They may have grown up with critical parents who taught them to communicate this way, or they may be carrying hidden anger or regret from long ago.
Consequences of Living with a Blaming and Critical Spouse
- One of the consequences of living with critical partners is the development ofmild to severe obsessive behaviorsin their spouses.
- Spouses of critical individuals often feel a lack of love because their positive qualities and behaviors are overlooked.
- If their partner does not find a solution to the criticism and doesn’t know how to deal with it, they may develop personality and behavioral issues over time due to continuous negative interactions.
- Over time, the spouse of a critical and blaming partner may lose their confidence and sense of humanity.
- They may suffer fromangerand frustrationand may developchronic depression.
Proper Ways to Deal with a Critical and Judging Spouse
Living with a critical spouse can be very challenging; for your mental and emotional well-being, you must learn how to handle a critical partner. The following will guide you in dealing properly with a critical and judgmental spouse.
Do Not Start Conflicts
Many people cannot tolerate their spouse’s criticisms and initiate arguments, creating tension in the relationship and leading to unnecessary drama, thus allowing the unpleasant cycle of criticism to continue.
React Appropriately
After your spouse criticizes you, remain calm and avoid analyzing their accusations. However, do not stay silent, as silence can provoke your spouse’s anger. For example, if they say you do not clean and organize the house well, you might respond, “You might be right.” Or if they say, “I wish you were like my family,” you could say, “I don’t like comparisons.”
Ignore Your Feelings
After your spouse’s criticism, you may feelnegative emotionsintensely, but try to manage your feelings and set aside your strong emotions. Reacting and speaking based on your hurt can lead both of you into painful moments, making it hard to support each other.
Be Honest with Yourself
If your partner does not constantly criticize you but does so mainly over specific issues, be honest with yourself. Reflect if you have done or behaved in a way that might have upset them, leading them to feel disrespected. Avoid immediately defending yourself or starting a verbal fight.
Set Boundaries
If after assessing everything you do not find a reason for your spouse’s bad behavior, you should set boundaries for them. Do not allow anyone to undermine your confidence, as your spouse has a duty to treat you with respect and attention.
Clarify what behaviors you allow from others to prevent harm. Healthy personal boundaries protect your valuable qualities.
Do Not Accuse Your Partner
When establishing your boundaries, do not accuse your partner; start your sentences with “I” to keep the focus on yourself, avoiding the impression that you are blaming them.
Stay Serious and Firm
While setting boundaries, your partner might understand your words or react angrily. Stay serious and firm, as it’s not your responsibility to dictate their reaction.
Do Not Raise Your Voice
As mentioned, your partner may react angrily while you are setting boundaries. During this time, remain calm, and keep your tone and manner gentle, as shouting will only make your partner hear your emotional outburst and won’t help you achieve your goal.
Be Optimistic
You can learn to establish boundaries through practice. Initially, setting boundaries may feel uncomfortable, but it is beneficial for both of you, so stay optimistic.
Seek Help from a Counselor
If you are unable to resolve this issue by yourself, seek help from someone who understands your problem and the challenges you face, like a counselor. Counseling can be a valuable source of support for anyone in tough situations.
