How to talk to your spouse?
One reason for conflicts between couples is a lack of communication skills. Speaking correctly reduces stress in a marriage and enhances its sweetness. The way we speak and our tone significantly strengthen the relationship.
Through conversation, we can sometimes calm one another, but sometimes, as stated by Ali (a), we hurt and wound each other. Therefore, to fill your life with love and affection, you must learn the art of dialogue with your spouse.
If you want to bring peace to your new life together, learn the correct wayto talk to your spouseand join us until the end of this section on the secrets of successful relationships.SelMagzJoin us.
Master the art of dialogue
The family is one of the most important institutions in society, greatly affecting the community. Therefore, having a healthy and peaceful family is essential for a healthy society. To have a healthy family, spouses and parent-child communication skills must be learned. One of the key skills is the ability to engage in dialogue, which we will explore further.
Listening skills
Listening is a critical skill that spouses must learn because it helps them understand and meet each other’s needs. When partners actively listen to each other, they show that they are important to one another, fostering intimacy.
Step one for effective listening:
First, identify the barriers to listening and find out why sometimes you cannot listen to your partner. Here are some obstacles that prevent us from hearing our spouse:
Don’t read minds
One barrier that affects listening is when we assume we know what our spouse is thinking before they speak, leading us to interpret their words in a way that suits us, without confirming with them.
Don’t filter your spouse’s words
Another barrier to understanding what our spouse says is only listening to those parts of their words that benefit us personally.
Listen carefully
Another common mistake couples make when speaking with each other is that they listen just to be able to give advice at the end.
Don’t think about other issues
When your spouse is speaking, you should not be distracted by other issues, and you need to listen to their words.
Don’t disrespect their intelligence
Another barrier to hearing our spouse’s words is using mobile devices, browsing social media, watching TV, or reading a magazine while they are speaking. These actions not only prevent you from truly understanding their words but also disrespect their intelligence.
Step two:
After identifying barriers to effective listening, follow these three principles in your conversations.
1- Clarification:
When talking with your spouse, ask questions about anything that is unclear, and clarify misunderstandings.
2- Summarization:
You should summarize in your mind what has been exchanged between you and your spouse.
3- Feedback:
This means summarizing what the other person has said and sharing it back with them.
If these three principles are followed along with body language in a conversation, you can easily communicate with your spouse, showing them that you value and care about listening to their words.
Body language
When talking to your spouse and listening to their words, you should also show that you are listening through your body language.
Body language principles include:
1. Position yourself similarly to your spouse while they are speaking.
2. Nod your head to acknowledge your spouse’s words, showing that you are attentive.
3. Don’t be angry and always wear a smile.
4. Don’t cross your arms.
Essential principles of spousal communication
In spousal communication, there are two important and practical principles.
First principle:
Never start a sentence with “you” because doing so makes your partner feel blamed or guilty. As SelMagz points out, this can cause your spouse to be reluctant to listen to what you have to say.
Second principle:
Do not use “I” at the start of sentences either.
For example, if your spouse comes home late, don’t say: “You always come home late and make me angry!” Instead, say: “I feel upset when you come home late.”
Use the five-minute technique:
To ensure that challenging discussions go smoothly, choose a suitable time and place to start the conversation.
Each partner should take a specific amount of time to speak – ideally, five minutes each on the topic at hand, and continue this way until they can resolve their issues. Following the listening principles will make this technique highly effective.
Don’t accuse:
Some individuals accuse their spouse of things they did not do during conversations, undermining respect in the relationship.
Boundaries:
In your discussions, even whenangryrespect each other’s boundaries and do not disrespect your spouse’s personal beliefs, family, tastes, etc.
Be neutral and non-judgmental:
When your spouse discusses a mistake they made, don’t judge them or show them as a culprit; listen and kindly point out their mistakes.
Show respect:
When talking with your spouse, always show respect and never insult, curse, or belittle them to maintain the respect in your relationship.
Be affectionate:
When speaking with your spouse, show affection and express love because demonstrating affection increases understanding and warmth during conversations.
Be honest:
Honesty and trust are the foundation of every relationship, so communicate honestly with your spouse and respond positively to their honesty to encourage them to remain truthful.
Trust your spouse:
Some partners struggle to believe their spouse due to past lies or excessive suspicion, questioning their partner’s words.
However, if you doubt your partner too much, they may feel compelled to lie to prevent conflict, so trust their words.
Weaknesses and strengths:
When talking with your spouse, avoid dwelling on past mistakes or weaknesses, and don’t make things uncomfortable by bringing up the past.
Don’t mix topics:
When discussing any issue, avoid bringing up unrelated matters, and keep each topic distinct.
Refine your tone:
The most common negative tones between couples that lead to conflicts are aggressive and insulting tones from husbands or belittling tones from wives.
