The Benefits of Marital Disagreements; Of Course, in a Healthy and Balanced Way
Even if you might not like arguing with your spouse, sometimes it happens unintentionally. You may know couples who argue constantly and those who never have disagreements. However, there are reasons why these arguments can sometimes be good for your relationship. In fact, an online study involving 976 participants showed that couples who engage in healthy arguments are ten times happier than those who have heated disputes.
The issue is not whether arguing is good, but that disagreements exist. Ignoring conflicts isn’t effective, and turning them into arguments isn’t helpful either; the key to success is how to manage these disagreements. Those who address their differences with honesty, clarity, respect, and love are much more successful than those who don’t. So you might wonder why marital arguments can be good for your relationship? In this section of Family PlusSelMagzwe will address this question.
Interesting Benefits of Marital Disagreements
1. Arguing Allows You to Share Your Needs with Your Spouse
Just as you may talk about your romantic relationship in the past or present, it’s essential to understand that arguments can happen on any topic and in any form. Experts advise showing your anger to your spouse because it’s a way to express your feelings, and through this, you share your needs. Arguments don’t have to be destructive and can be friendly and compassionate.Angeris a natural feeling, but you should inform your spouse about what bothers you, and of course, try not to lose your temper during that time.
2. Prevents Your Frustration
Of course, if you don’t like discussing something that has upset you, you value yourself, but know that when you don’t express your concerns, they can build up over time and later come out in ways that may lead to disdain or rudeness. The solution is to express it honestly, clearly, and respectfully.
3. Arguing Helps You Understand Your Spouse’s Motivations
When you argue with your spouse, it might be about something that upset you, but your spouse might not be aware of it. According to psychological experts, discussions that are free from humiliation, criticism, and self-defense can actually strengthen a romantic relationship.
By resolving conflicts of interest (which every relationship has), you can learn about your partner’s motivations. To benefit from this advantage, it’s essential to remain neutral during an argument. Research indicates that having a third-party, neutral person can help you reflect more deeply on the discussion you’ve had. In such situations, you and your spouse will gain more insight about each other, and will surely find ways to resolve conflicts that strengthen your relationship. Over time, resolving conflicts provides greater knowledge about one another, reducing the likelihood of recurring and damaging disagreements in the future.
4. Arguing Helps You Understand the “Real” Issue
Arguments help you identify what the actual issue being discussed is. The more you talk, the closer you get to the reality of the situation. In fact, to uncover the cause of the argument, you need to have a conversation. Once you discover your spouse’s particular reasons and preferences, you’ll know how to resolve issues. Understanding each other’s reasons makes finding solutions much easier.
5. Encourages Personal Growth
While it may seem easier to avoid short-term conflicts and ignore the subject, these situations can significantly contribute to your and your spouse’s development. The advantage of arguing is that you must grow during the process, whether it pertains to your triggers or your partner’s or uncovering an underlying issue and learning how to handle disagreements. Growth over time makes it easier to take constructive steps to repair your relationship. For example, you could say: “I didn’t know how to calm down and ended up not speaking. This made me shut you out. I didn’t mean to do that, and from now on, I can take some time alone when I feel overwhelmed to avoid ignoring you.”
Good arguments do not involve abuse, disregard, or insults. If both partners agree to stop such behavior, they can even grow from the toughest conflicts.
6. Can Preserve Your Relationship Instead of Destroying It
Research shows that the more you retreat from a disagreement, the more vulnerable your relationship becomes. When you are upset with your spouse, your silence indicates a problem is present, and you seem different than usual. Psychological experts say that silence has no golden value because when couples avoid discussions and cannot express their concerns, they pile up and become impossible to address. Over time, these unaddressed issues may intensify and potentially end your relationship. Arguing gives couples the opportunity to see each other as their “true selves” and demonstrate that they still love one another.
7. May Help Prevent Divorce
You might know a couple that incessantly complains about each other; perhaps they argue a lot, but not in a healthy way. Or they might have given up trying to discuss the root of their problems and only inflame them. This indeed indicates failure; as long as emotions don’t peak, disagreement is avoided, but once emotions escalate, disrespect enters the argument, and over time this can become a pattern leading to mutual disdain and hatred, predicting divorce. In summary, disagreements create disrespect, which turns into hatred, ultimately leading to divorce.
8. Helps You ReleaseStressandAnxietyHolding in your feelings and resorting to insults during an argument with your spouse is not a good approach. The feelings and words that you suppress to avoid a fight can create more tension in your mind and life, leading to anxiety and
depressionwhich is unhealthy for your stress levels. When you try to bottle up your feelings, stress hormones cantrigger headachesandinsomniaso courageously address your disagreements to relieve long-term tension and release your anger.9. Increases Your Self-Esteem
Engaging in a healthy discussion shows that you can reach compromises and hold everything together even when tensions run high. Agreeing or disagreeing can empower both parties, often enhancing self-confidence because neither of you could arrive at a resolution without the other.A healthy debate can create excitement and passion between partners and boost each other’s confidence; therefore, don’t constantly argue about a single topic as this is a sign of unresolved differences needing serious attention.10. Demonstrates Commitment
Arguing shows your spouse that you care about the relationship. Being honest and expressing what you don’t like isn’t easy, but if this relationship is important to you, it’s essential to voice it. What matters is that you discuss it fairly, listen to each other, and make changes together for your lives.
Previously, in the
Mental Health
section, we mentioned that expressing your feelings and not blaming each other is the best way to be heard. Saying “I feel when… ” is much better than starting a discussion with “When you did this,” causing less harm to your relationship.
11. Shows You Care About Your PartnerIt might be easier for you to turn a blind eye to your problems and withdraw, but if you argue and want to resolve the issue, know that you are in a healthy, long-term relationship because the relationship with your partner matters to you.12. You Release Your Anger
Arguing prevents your feelings from piling up and overflowing suddenly. But remember to keep it in check to avoid a heavy dispute.
13. Positive Discussions Improve Health
Being honest and learning to argue fairly can have numerous health benefits. Unresolved anger releases cortisol and adrenaline into the body, leading to digestive problems and even substance abuse. Talking about what’s beneficial removes adrenaline and
stress hormones
(cortisol) from the body and releases endorphins, causing feelings of
happinessand health.As mentioned, arguing has many benefits as long as you and your spouse engage constructively and amicably. Ultimately, the goal is to resolve existing disagreements, not to escalate them, so this article aims to encourage you to communicate and even argue with your spouse to solve issues and prevent problems from piling up.Arguing with a SpouseMarital Disputes
Benefits of Arguing
