Causes of Stubbornness in Marriage and Their Consequences
Stubbornness is a confrontational behavior where a person demonstrates power and self-defense, showing the other individual that they cannot control or defeat the stubborn person. A stubborn person insists on their opinions and ideas, often consciously or unconsciously opposing others’ views.
For example, if you tell your student child to study but they seem tired, they might ignore you and start playing instead. This behavior exemplifies stubbornness; it means you can’t compel them to do something or control them. Stubbornness in a relationship brings challenges and can even lead to a deadlock in the marriage.
Stubbornness in marriage is essentially a power struggle where each partner wants to have their say. Thus, as mentioned in the Family Plus section of SelMagz.SelMagzIt’s noted that a common reason for consultations in family courts is stubbornness, which inevitably leads to the separation of couples.
Often, stubbornness is more prevalent among couples who lack adequate understanding of each other and, in addition, have differences in family background, social status, culture, and education. Generally, stubbornness is an undesirable behavior that manifests in various ways, such as crying, yelling, hurting others, insulting, breaking objects and more.
How to Identify Stubborn Individuals
Characteristics and SignsUnderstanding Your Spouse’s StubbornnessRecognize these traits to better cope with them.
Noncompliance:
This person pays no attention to rules. A stubborn individual has their own set of rules and chooses to follow them only when it benefits themselves.
Overly Sensitive:
A stubborn person expects too much from others but does not hold themselves accountable for their own words.
Lack ofSelf-esteem::
Stubborn individuals prominently display a lack of self-esteem and failure to acknowledge their true self. Nonetheless, they refuse to accept this reality.
Quick-tempered:
A stubborn person becomes upset and irritable at the slightest opposition to their demands.Anger:and becomes uncooperative.
Loud and Disruptive:
A stubborn person tends to be overdramatic and exhibits their grievances openly.
Projection:
A stubborn individual accuses others of being stubborn; for instance, they will say, “You’re the one being stubborn,” or “You make me stubborn,” and so forth.
Poor Social Skills:
They are often isolated and struggle to form appropriate social connections. This person is likely to be depressed and anxious and has troubling thoughts.
Making Excuses:
Stubborn individuals come up with strange excuses for their decisions and blame others for their own mistakes.
Destructive Consequences of Stubbornness in Marriage
In many families, it occurs that each individual exhibits childish behaviors like a child. The point is not that one should never be stubborn in marriage, but rather about the times when both partners are stubborn and make no effort to correct their behavior. In such a situation, the conflicts and arguments between spouses escalate, potentially leading their shared life to the brink of destruction.
If there are children involved, they will suffer greatly from their parents’ stubbornness. These children typically develop some form ofAnxietyas a result. Stubborn parents view their disputes as a battlefield and do anything to win.
These individuals continue the argument with their stubbornness and are unwilling to acknowledge their mistakes, responding to every word and reacting to every action.
One negative impact of stubbornness is the disputes between spouses, which harm the mental health of the family. A stubborn individual lacks sound decision-making ability and does not have the independence of thought needed to abandon their unreasonable ideas.
This person does not respect others’ opinions, considering only their own desires as important. These individuals cannot find suitable solutions and are resistant to letting go of their irrational notions.
Causes and Factors of Spouse’s Stubbornness in a Relationship
The following are reasons and influential factors in your spouse’s stubbornness:
Retribution
Stubbornness and obstinacy can be a reaction to the relationship. When a spouse feels dissatisfied with the other’s behavior, feels a lack of affection, or perceives negligence, it is natural to seek revenge in this way.
In fact, stubbornness is a form of retribution where one expresses their complaints to the other person through this behavior. A person who receives sufficient love and kindness from their partner in the early years of marriage will certainly not experience loneliness during middle age or later after having children.
Humiliation and Blame
The way we treat our spouse undoubtedly shapes our personality. When couples irrationally imply or intentionally humiliate each other, they plant the seeds of stubbornness in their hearts and set the stage for future unrest for themselves and their children. Spouses should never ridicule each other or use bad language in front of their children.
Self-importance
One reason for stubbornness is arrogance, superiority, and unwarranted pride. These factors create an environment for obstinacy in married life. A man or woman sees themselves as above the other and refuses to accept the other’s viewpoint. Arrogance can also lead to stubbornness according to the Quran.
If a person lacks proper moral upbringing, they may suffer from excessive pride at some stage of their material development. For example, a person who reaches a high status in society or attains great wealth might see their life partner as unattractive.
Negative Behavior
Stubbornness in a relationship can arise for various reasons. One of these reasons is inappropriate behavior from one spouse, which can make the other sensitive. If these behaviors become habitual, they gradually instill feelings of hatred in the partner, turning them into a stubborn individual.
Unjust Blame
Blaming is one of the causes of incompatibility in relationships that leads to stubbornness. If this behavior continues, it will weaken the foundation of their shared life. The personality of a person who is continuously criticized deteriorates over time, leading them to lose the ability to manage effectively.
Moreover, their errors become increasingly frequent, and when they lose the skill of being a good partner and managing life, their stubbornness will intensify. Imam Ali (peace be upon him) said: “Excessive blame fuels the fire of stubbornness.”
The best way to correct a spouse’s behavior is through constructive and logical reminders, accompanied by kindness and compassion. Blaming is one of the gravest sins in Islam; it neither leads to behavior correction nor does it have numerous negative consequences.
Ignorance and Lack of Information
One of the reasons for stubbornness in a relationship is ignorance and inadequate information about the material and spiritual consequences of obstinacy. People who are aware of the repercussions of stubbornness in married life do not feel the need to continue this childish behavior.
The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said on this topic: “Beware of stubbornness, for its beginning is ignorance and its end is regret.”
The Best Methods for Dealing with Your Spouse’s Stubbornness in a Relationship
When your spouse’s stubbornness begins, it is best to refer to the points and solutions mentioned in this section of the SelMagz lifestyle:
Don’t Respond to Stubbornness with Stubbornness
You should be aware that stubbornness in a relationship not only worsens the situation but also harms both individuals by creating conflicts. It is advisable to learn the principles of effective communication with your partner.
Silence
The best and most effective response is silence. Therefore, try to control yourself; because your aggression can heighten their stubbornness. At an appropriate time, assess the reasons for their stubbornness and address them.
Understanding Their Lack of Self-esteem
Lack of self-belief and self-esteem is one of the primary reasons for stubbornness. Generally, stubborn individuals suffer from low self-esteem and use obstinacy to assert their authority. Thus, to maintain a peaceful marital life, help your spouse recognize and believe in their worth, and find strategies to enhance their self-esteem.
You Are Also to Blame
It’s not always your partner’s fault; sometimes your incorrect behavior can lead to their stubbornness. Often, your improper tone can provoke your partner into being stubborn. Acting correctly during disagreements can prevent your partner’s stubbornness.
Simple Strategies to Alleviate Your Spouse’s Stubbornness
- Strengthen your communication skills; use appropriate approaches that avoid escalating stubbornness.
- Do not discuss the issue that caused their stubbornness until their mood stabilizes.
- Use positive words and a calming tone.
- Address your spouse’s negative behaviors at appropriate times.
- Try to show softness and kindness when speaking, and refrain from starting your sentences with “you.” It’s better to start with “I” or “we” to avoid increasing feelings of blame or criticism.
- Learn how to criticize appropriately and how to communicate your spouse’s negative traits to help them improve.
- Be as tolerant as possible until they change their behavior.
- Never use sarcastic words, as it will intensify their stubbornness.
- If your spouse spends a lot of time debating when being stubborn, be patient and allow them to express themselves until they are finished speaking.
- Never attempt to persuade your partner during their stubbornness or engage in arguments.
- Compliment your spouse’s positive traits to help boost their self-esteem.
- Encourage them to calm down.
