What are the main reasons for divorce among young couples in their early years of marriage?
Just five or six months into their passionate marriage, whispers about their disagreements spread among family, hinting at potential early divorce. Nowadays, divorce during engagement and pre-marital phases has become quite common, with many couples ending their marriage before the ink on their marriage certificate dries.
Divorce before starting a shared life has many reasons, but the most common reason is that the partner they found did not meet their expectations.
In this section ofSelMagzwe will examine the reasons for divorce in the early years of marriage and during the engagement period. Stay with us.
Examining Reasons for Divorce in Early Marriage
Lack of readiness for marriage
We can only progress to the next stages of psychological growth after successfully completing the previous ones. If we have not effectively gone through earlier stages due to insufficient skills, we won’t succeed at the next stage.
If a person only fantasizes about marriage and shared life before getting married, without maturing enough or taking the time to understand realities and develop essential coping skills, they will struggle when they enter this new stage of life.
In this case, to avoidanxietythey blame their partner for this failure, often overlooking their own shortcomings, saying, “he/she isn’t what I wanted.”
Dream of marriagereasons for divorcein early life
As children playing house, if one was a girl and the other a boy, one became the wife and the other, the husband, each creating their ideal partner without complaints or resistance; a dream life in every sense.
This dreamlike peace that we seek during our childhood play can become disruptive if it doesn’t gradually shift towards reality in later years, leading to unfortunate divorces among many young people in their first year of marriage.
Many people who have been married for just a few months entered the marriage seeking their dreams, and when faced with reality, they could not cope with the disparity between dreams and reality, leading them to divorce.
Because I haven’t answered the question “Who am I?”
Not reaching a conclusion about who I am and my expectations regarding marriage, partnership, and shared life is a primary factor contributing to early divorce, which has roots in single life.
A person without a clear identity may jump from one relationship to another, quickly falling in and out of love, making impulsive decisions, and not being prepared for married life, often ending up in divorce swiftly.
Because I underestimated differing perspectives
In previous times, each individual held different views about shared life, partnership, and family formation. These views have a cognitive aspect (the thoughts we have about things) and an emotional aspect (the feelings we have towards those things), as well as a behavioral aspect based on our thoughts and feelings.
Most of the time, our perspectives remain fixed and cannot be easily changed. The views that an individual holds before marriage do not often change significantly with marriage, so singles who overlook this point will surrender to separation quickly.
Because I didn’t give importance to “motivation”
If someone does not provide a suitable answer to the question “Why do I want to get married?” during their single life, they will face problems in a shared life, leading to its breakdown.
Having motivation is crucial, serving as a subset of identity. Motivation drives behavior; if the motivation behind an action is flawed, the outcome won’t be good. If a single person marries merely to escape parental fights, they will find themselves stuck in past conflicts when faced with the first issue after marriage.
If a person marries to fulfill sexual needs, compensate for past emotional failures, escape from being single, or succumb to societal pressures, these reasons might cause divorce in the first year of married life.
Because I lacked life skills
In the past, relatives advised parents of any young person who made a mistake to arrange a marriage for them, believing a shared life would fix their issues. When parents got a wife for their son, divorce was rare, andemotional divorcewas either not discussed or wasn’t considered significant, so they had no choice but to endure their lives together.
Back then, insufficient life skills did not directly lead to divorce, but today the stigma surrounding divorce has largely broken down, allowing couples to separate consensually. A significant reason for early separations is a lack of adequate skills for entering marriage.
Since these skills take time and practice to develop and modern couples do not give each other sufficient time to learn, individuals should acquire these skills during their single life to avoid issues early in marriage.
Skills that, if not learned during single life, may lead to divorce in early marriage include: communication, listening, empathy, patience, forgiveness, resilience, responsibility, commitment, and managing emotions, especially anger.
