Why do men get upset? What causes this behavior in them?
Marital ConflictsAre a common issue in every marriage that can lead to silences and discontent.
A key reason for men’s silence is the need for kindness and attention. Especially since men learn from childhood not to show their feelings, they see sulking as an easy way to control situations and express their discontent. In this section of Family Plus.SelMagzWe will explore the topic of men’s silences and the reasons behind this behavior.
The Psychology of Men’s Silences
Generally, people who sulk are emotionally manipulating those around them; they remain silent for a while without communicating.
One reason men get upset is that they haven’t achieved what they wanted.
Sometimes, men become angry in these situations and try to gain attention with displays of anger. In fact, people who sulk are not honest in their interactions and seek a way to express their grievances.
According to some psychologists, after sulking, individuals pretend to suffer in silence, but in reality, they express their anger in this state.
Sometimes, men sulk for no reason to gain your attention and affection; they often seek love. In these situations, men go silent and avoid communication, wanting to convey the message, “I’m feeling worse than being able to deal with this; I’m angry and upset.”
Main Common Reasons for Men’s Silences
Men learned from childhood that sulking was a way to improve their mother’s behavior towards them and now expect their wives to love them unconditionally.
Men want to be loved, listened to, and for their partner to avoid actions that would upset them. However, it should be noted that unreasonable demands can turn life into a nightmare.
Anger
Silencing is an unhealthy and maladaptive way to express anger. Thus, it can be said that individuals sulk when faced with anger towards others and dissatisfaction with certain issues.
Unresolved Issues
Sulking hinders the resolution of problems, and men who sulk lack the ability to peacefully solve issues.
Learning
Men who sulk frequently have surely learned this behavior. Many times, parents neglect their children during their fights and sulks.
While children imitate their behavior. Parents who constantly sulk do not teach their children another way to resolve conflicts, and later on, they repeat this behavior with their partners.
Reinforcement
Men who sulk often have their behavior reinforced because there is usually someone who comforts them and emotionally supports their sulking.
Therefore, by sulking, they fulfill their desires and continue this behavior.
In the psychology of men’s silences, there are various reasons for sulking, which include:
Some men sulk because they achieved results in childhood by sulking.
They want you to always make them feel special in your life.
Men, like children, may simply want love and care from those around them.
Sometimes, men sulk out of loneliness, wanting to be heard and cared for when issues arise.
Solutions for Men’s Silences and How to Handle an Upset Husband
Living with an upset husband can be painful, and how you respond to these men is very important.
Don’t Demean Your Husband
While your husband’s constant sulking may frustrate you, it shouldn’t lead you to respond with unhealthy reactions or insult him with disparaging words. This not only drives your husband away but also cools the relationship.
For instance, you might say:
I hate that you sulk like a child, or you’re always sulking. Such remarks will not help resolve your issues.
Know Your Husband’s Triggers
General advice about good relationships doesn’t apply to everyone. If a method yields positive results, repeat it; otherwise, try another approach.
Some men’s personalities are introverted, and when upset, they prefer to be alone and distance themselves from their partner.
If your husband has this trait, understand him and allow him to cool off in his own way.
For instance, you might say openly:
I think you’re upset about something; would you like to talk about it?
If your husband says he’s upset with you, avoid being defensive and try to understand the entire situation. However, don’t insist on discussing it immediately, and allow him to talk when he’s ready.
This shows that you respect his personality, and you also shift the responsibility of restarting the conversation to him, so you’re not worried about convincing him or initiating a reconciliation.
Ask About the Reason for His Upset
As you read in SelMagz’s lifestyle section, it’s better to talk calmly with your husband in these situations to allow him to express his reasons for being upset.
Once you understand why he is upset, you can better find ways to manage it. Your approach to dealing with your upset husband is crucial.
Pay attention to your body language and tone of voice; don’t prepare to accuse or argue, and enter the conversation with care and attentiveness.
Think About Your Husband’s Positive Traits
When your husband easily gets upset and frequently sulks, you might feel that he is overly sensitive. While this perception is somewhat accurate,
it’s important to note that no person is perfect and flaw-free; everyone has both positive personality traits and negative ones.
Therefore, instead of focusing on your husband’s sensitivity and sulking, pay more attention to his positive traits and steer clear of negative thoughts.
Maintain a Positive Outlook in Your Marriage and Encourage Your Husband’s Strengths. This approach will warm up your life together, improve your relationship, and reinforce his positive behaviors.
Encourage Your Husband to Enhance Communication Skills
If your husband’s mood is affected by unresolved issues from the past, seeing a counselor is the best option to address these matters.
When your husband feels good about himself, his behavior towards you will change.SensitivityHis irritability will lessen, andangerwill subside.
However, if your husband is unwilling to see a counselor, find other ways to increase his awareness and knowledge about marital communication skills.
For instance, provide psychology booksabout successful marriagesand effective communication with spouses, and encourage him to read them.
Or even read the books yourself and summarize them for him every night before sleep. Of course, be careful not to overdo it, and your discussions shouldn’t come across as lectures or admonitions.
Be Humorous
While you may not be able to control your husband’s feelings, you can create a conducive atmosphere.
Humor can be helpful in alleviating tension, but be cautious that your jokes aren’t taken negatively and don’t worsen the situation. If you sense that your husband is not responding positively to your jokes and remarks, refrain from telling them further.
Understand Your Husband’s Sensitivities
Think carefully and review the moments that led to your husband’s sulking to understand what upset him.
This aspect may seem insignificant to you, but it can provide signs that help you become more familiar with his sensitivities.
For example, he may have sulked due to a joke made in public, or you may have ignored his hints to return home during a gathering. Although you may not have intended to upset him, it’s clear that your husband is sensitive to being validated and admired in front of others.
By being aware of these simple matters, you can exhibit commendable behavior towards your husband at gatherings and gain his satisfaction in advance.
