Here’s how to argue with your spouse to strengthen your relationship.
If you talk to a lot of guys and girls, you’ll realize that everyone dreams of marrying their ideal partner. Marriage is the most important aspect of life from both religious and social viewpoints and deserves more careful consideration. In this regard, reducing disputes and tension between couples can be particularly useful, especially in the early stages of marriage when misunderstandings often arise due to lack of knowledge of each other.
It has been scientifically proven that arguing as a couple does not mean the relationship is unsuccessful. Recent studies in India indicate that many participants view arguing as a sign ofsuccess in life.They believe it greatly helps strengthen their relationships.
A successful life requires effort and arguments may inevitably be part of it; however, how arguments are handled determines the longevity of the relationship. If arguments continue without resolution, marriage may lead to separation.
Structured arguments can help solve couples’ issues. In this segment from Family PlusSelMagzwe offer tips to help you experience a more loving and peaceful life.
Communicate honestly with your spouse:
Discussing small issues is easier than addressing harder ones. However, if you don’t express the reason for your unhappiness, your spouse will never change. When you’re angry and tempted to raise your voice, take three deep breaths. Think about what really irritates you.
There are many reasons for displeasure, and we will examine how to address these matters.
If you feel your performance doesn’t matter, you can’t end the argument with your spouse, and you might worry about not being able to improve yourself. Therefore, seek guidance through counseling.
One reason couples avoid counseling is the high costs, and in this article, we aim to address this issue and share our insights with you.
Missing out on the right ways to communicate with your spouse:
You might think that not arguing with your spouse means you’re backing down, but your spouse might feel the same way. Couples who have the most conflict are often those where neither party is willing to compromise; in reality, they may not care about the outcome. Therefore, you need to reconsider your approach.
Allow and show your spouse that you’re mindful of your behavior and that you dislike fighting; currently, your spouse will not see this because they are unwilling to recognize it.
Thus, compel yourself to let go of arguments. If a peaceful life matters to you, give them a winning position and genuinelyapologizefor your part.
When your spouse sees that you can do this, they are more likely to do the same and set aside unnecessary pride. The real goal shouldn’t be to win the argument but to leave the fight with your spouse, show forgiveness, sacrifice, and solve the problem.
See both sides:
One of the best ways to win an argument with your spouse is to acknowledge both sides of the issue. If your spouse is open to acceptance, even if they disagree with something, they will be more willing to compromise.
That’s why it’s crucial to actively listen to what your spouse is saying and consider their opinion. If your spouse is upset that you never take out the trash,
instead of constantly pointing out their mistake, wait for them to express it:
“I noticed you’re upset that I haven’t taken out the trash. I think I do many other things, but if this is essential to you, I’ll try harder.”
See how your spouse’s behavior changes. All of this results from your own actions. Many people fail to do these things because they have no interest in apologizing. However, keep in mind that you don’t have to do it reluctantly or let them always win; you simply consider your spouse’s concern to observe their reaction.
Find the root of the disagreement:
Often, couples argue over small matters instead of discussing what genuinely bothers them, thinking that addressing the main issue will lead to unknown consequences.
When you use minor problems to hide bigger issues, it creates confusion for both your spouse and yourself. Ignoring an issue might seem simpler, but in the long run, it can be harmful. The sooner you deal with problems, the stronger the foundation of your life will be. This is actually one of the best ways to build a healthy life.
Before getting upset with your spouse, think to yourself if some of these problems aren’t dependent on your own behavior?
When in an argument, avoid using the word “you.” If you can shift your arguments and refrain from saying “you,” disputes are likely to occur less frequently.
For example, instead of saying, “You never wash your clothes!” say, “I don’t like always being the one to wash clothes.” This is a simple linguistic trick that can extinguish some arguments.
Avoid saying “never” and “always” as well. These are extreme words that will damage your discussion. For instance, instead of saying, “You never listen to me,” say, “I wish you would listen to me and try to see my point more.”
Be kind to your spouse:
When an argument escalates, you might respond coldly to your spouse, which is normal. However, strive to be kind and loving, even during disputes.
This will remind them that you are on the same team and that problems don’t matter. There are times when you need solitude to calm down. If one or both of you can avoid confrontation, you will experience less tension in life, evena walkaround the house can help both of you think more clearly.
Do not threaten your spouse:
Counselors hear these kinds of things from their clients regularly. Spouses threaten their partner with divorce over minor issues, often leading to major arguments.
Change your language:
If you feel your expressions of affection are not recognized, change your language, as sometimes saying different words to your spouse can have a positive impact. It may seem silly, but changing your phrasing can help your spouse understand better. If you can phrase a sentence in multiple ways, you are more likely to get the desired outcome. Women should know different ways of flirting and being playful to touch their husband’s heart.
Mirroring your spouse:
This is a tactic real negotiators use to achieve the best outcome in critical situations. This action is known as mirroring. In essence, whatever you say to your spouse returns to you.
Mirroring is a type of body language, and experts say 93% of communication is non-verbal. Body language and tone have a significant impact on conversations. Raising your voice, using hand gestures, and pointing can worsen the situation to the extent that it overshadows spoken words.
Given the importance of tone, do not yell and never mimic your spouse’s voice to avoid harming them.
Be a mirror for your husband:
- Observe your body posture.
- Fold your arms to show your spouse you are open to new ideas and thoughts.
- Copy how they stand.
- Match your facial expressions and speech style and use similar gestures for them.
This creates a subconscious connection, making them more likely to see things from your side, which is very simple.
Solve the problem
By offering various strategies that we have frequently discussed in Family Plus SelMagz, share your thoughts, keep an open mind and do not dismiss your spouse’s opinions too quickly. Each of you needs to compromise and tolerate to arrive at an acceptable solution.
Evaluate the solution.
Agree to assess the impact of the proposed solution after discussion. If the solution doesn’t work as anticipated, look for another solution in a later meeting to address the shortcomings of the previous approach.
Listen well.
When your spouse expresses their opinion, do not interrupt them until they have fully spoken. Direct your complete attention to your spouse’s words, as many psychologists believe that most people do not listen to their spouse and fail to understand the topic being discussed.
Instead, they focus more on their reaction to what is being said. After your spouse has finished talking and sharing their views, summarize their points to fully understand their message.
Review solutions before starting an argument.
Think about what you would like to have happened and what your desired outcome would be. Review different solutions, consider aspects, take initiative, and determine an acceptable solution for yourself.
So before arguing with your spouse, you should:
If you are someone who often starts fights, ask yourself these three questions before causing issues with your spouse:
Does my spouse know how I feel about this? If you haven’t clarified for your spouse what bothers you, you should allow them to know that.
Can I live with it? If the issue is something you can live with, be willing to let go of your anger. This reflects on them and is even more important to your spouse than to you.
Can I change myself? If it’s something you desire, then achieving it shouldn’t be too difficult.
Tell your spouse how their behavior makes you feel and what you want from them. The next time you want toexpress your angertake a deep breath and remember these tips to get what you want without making matters worse.
Plan before the discussion.
Set a time to discuss your problems with your spouse, such as setting a specific time for both of you to have enough time and privacy to talk about issues.
Warning
If your excitement and feelings intensify during the discussion to the point where it becomes hard to control, you should stop the argument and wait at least 24 hours before discussing the same topic again. Also, do not start a discussion before bedtime or before heading to work.
Additionally, avoid accusations, threats, or name-calling as this puts your spouse in a defensive state and increases the chance of escalating problems.
